Just Let Me Wither
by Angry Little Mouse
Summary: Todoroki stands in the doorframe, blood running down his neck and along his collarbone, mingling with the rainwater. If his hunched posture and the left hand pressing against his right side is anything to go by, he's in a lot of pain. Izuku stares in absolute disbelief as Todoroki coughs and pants before he pulls himself together and ushers him inside.
1. chapter 1

Todoroki stands in the doorframe, blood running down his neck and along his collarbone, mingling with the rainwater. If his hunched posture and the left hand pressing against his right side is anything to go by, he's in a lot of pain. Izuku stares in absolute disbelief as Todoroki coughs and pants before he pulls himself together and ushers him inside.

He quells the panic bubbling in his chest and levels his voice, but it comes out broken and high anyway. "What happened?" Todoroki shakes his head and stumbles inside, grunting under his breath. Izuku notices the way his shoulders are trembling under the ragged blue jacket. It's drenched in rainwater and red liquid – _blood_ , his brain supplies, _that's blood_. Izuku closes the door and walks Todoroki to the couch, his hands hovering over Todoroki's back. "Sit down." Todoroki does so like a robot, his movements erratic and measured.

Running to the bathroom, Izuku grabs alcohol, gauze and painkillers. He almost drops the pills as he sits down in front of his friend. "Where are you hurt?" Izuku knows it's bad because Todoroki hasn't uttered a single word since showing up at their doorstep. When he lifts his head and looks at Izuku for the first time that evening, Izuku's heart stops. His body freezes, his jaw clenches painfully.

Izuku is used to the red scar taking over half Todoroki's face, but the sight greeting him now makes his blood run cold. He has to close his eyes and catch his breath before he can bring himself to look at it again. The skin around his friend's eye is red and blotchy and bloody and _gone_. Little pieces of skin hang down in shreds, the edges around it black and brown. His eye is teary and red, his eyelashes are nowhere to be seen and tears are streaming down his cheek incessantly.

"W-", Izuku almost chokes on his words. "What _happened_ , Todoroki?" He knows he's almost screaming, but he doesn't care. Todoroki's breath hitches, and he seems to sink into himself. His mouth opens, as if to say something, but no words fall over his lips.

"I-It's okay," Izuku soothes. "It's okay." He wants to say more, but it's the only thing he can manage. "It's okay. Let me-"

Todoroki flinches away from his touch as if his hand was a knife. "I'm sorry," Izuku mutters. "I'm so sorry, I-"

Izuku tries again, extending his hand - another flinch. "Todoroki, I have to look at it, _please_." He can hear the desperation in his own voice, and takes another deep breath. _You have to stay calm. You're a pro. Calm down. Calm down. Calm the fuck down Izuku. It's going to be okay. You have to stay calm. For him. For Todoroki._ He looks at his friend, trying to convey how important this is. Todoroki looks at him and swallows. He nods.

Izuku extends his hand – it doesn't escape him how Todoroki moves back – and tilts his chin up. It's then he realizes he's not qualified to deal with it. "We have to bring you to a hospital," he whispers. "I can't- I don't know- I'm not a doctor."

"No hospitals. No doctors." Izuku almost topples over at the harshness in his voice.

"But-"

"No."

Izuku looks at him, looks into his mismatched eyes, and sees unwavering determination. They glint in the dimmed light of the living room, and Izuku knows he's fighting a losing battle. "Fine," he says. "It's fine. I'll- I'll patch you up." He doesn't look away. "Trust me?"

The nod is instantaneous. Izuku tries to smile, but it feels pained and must look the part. "Thank you." He takes the alcohol and bites his lip. "This will hurt."

"It's fine." Todoroki sends him a crooked, forced smile. "It already hurts anyway."

Izuku can't help the watery laugh.

* * *

When Uraraka and Iida return to the flat, all hell breaks loose. Uraraka lets her bag fall to the floor, almost tripping over her own feet as she rushes over to the couch. Todoroki sits there stone-still, his entire left face wrapped in bandages, his torso bare and littered with bruises and scrapes. Uraraka kneels down, her lips trembling, eyes searching for answers. Iida is by their side in an instant.

Before Izuku gets a chance to speak, tears gather in Uraraka's eyes.

"Oh my god." She lifts her hand to touch Todoroki's shoulder, but Izuku grabs her wrist and shakes his head. The hand falls down like a dead weight when he releases it. "What happened?" Her voice is barely above a whisper, and Izuku can hear the tremors in it. Since graduating U.A. and moving in together, the four of them had grown very close.

Izuku compresses his lips. "He hasn't told me."

"Why aren't you in a hospital?" Iida asks, his voice not carrying a trace of his usual strictness and boisterousness.

"He doesn't want to."

Iida turns to him, and Izuku can see tears glistering in his eyes. "Izuku, that's no excuse, he needs a doctor."

"No hospitals. No doctors," Todoroki repeats. He looks at his friends, and they stare back. "I'll be fine."

"You won't!" Iida yells. "Don't be stubborn, _look at yourself._ "

"No hospitals," Todoroki stands, supporting himself on the couch, "No doctors."

Uraraka approaches him with nervous gestures, her hands flying around him but never close enough to touch. "It's fine, Todoroki. Everything's fine. Please sit down." To everyone's surprise, he does sit down, and it's a testament to how bad he's feeling. His breathing is laboured, his face scrunched up in pain.

Izuku gnaws at his fingernails, walking back and forth. The initial shock is gone, but the dread in his stomach continues to grow with each minute. He feels his throat close up, but he swallows the tears down. _Stay calm._ But staying calm is difficult, and he doesn't know what to do. He comes to a halt in front of Todoroki, crouching down. "Please tell us what happened."

Todoroki straightens his back but winces and leans back into the couch. A drawn out breath leaves his lungs. "I got into a fight. That's all."

Izuku stares at his bandaged eye, and a sense of foreboding overcomes him. Gulping down the anger he feels, he sends Todoroki a meaningful look. "Was it _him_?" He knows he can't say his name when Uraraka and Iida are here.

But Todoroki understands, and he shakes his head. "No."

Letting out a breath he doesn't know he'd been holding, Izuku plops down onto the couch next to him. Todoroki doesn't flinch this time, but he does turn his head away. Uraraka and Iida share a confused look, clearly not knowing what this was about. All Izuku can do is send them an apologetic smile. It's not his story to tell.

"It was a villain," Todoroki finally says. "Nothing to worry about. He's been taken care of." Izuku wants to butt in, but Todoroki is faster. "I was distracted, he got me. That's all there is to it." He lets his shoulders sag. "I'm tired. I'm going to bed."

Izuku stands and helps him up. "I'll help you."

"It's fine."

" _I'll help you._ "

Todoroki doesn't fight him. He lets Izuku guide him to his bed and doesn't complain when the blanked is being draped over his body. His eyes stare at the wall unblinking. Izuku has to restrain himself from firing questions at him.

 _Who hurt you?_

 _What happened to your eye?_

 _Will you be fine?_

"Get some rest. We'll talk tomorrow."

Izuku readjusts the pillow under Todoroki's head, turns out the lights and leaves the room. He hopes at least Todoroki will get some sleep, because he sure as hell won't. And when he re-enters the living room and looks at his friends, he knows; neither will they.


	2. Chapter 2

When Izuku checks on Todoroki next morning, he's lying on his back, his visible eye focused on the ceiling. He turns his head as Izuku approaches him, propping himself up with his arms into a sitting position. The red and white hair is a mess, and the gauze around his eye is soaked with dried blood. Izuku swallows at the sight.

"How are you feeling?"

Todoroki stays silent. As Izuku walks over to him, not expecting an answer, Todoroki sighs. "Better." His friend turns to him, an undecipherable look in his eyes. "Thank you. I'm sorry for troubling you."

Izuku's brows furrow. "Don't apologize." His eyes fixate onto the space beside Todoroki. "Can I sit down?" A shrug and a curt nod is all he gets. "If this is your father's doing, I-"

"I already told you it wasn't, Midoriya." His voice sounds strained, and he clears his throat. "It was a villain. Accidents happen, it's part of the job. I'll heal. It's not the first time."

Izuku holds his breath and lets his eyes wander over his friend's body. His shoulders are slumped, his head bowed. The bruises on his arms are a deep purple, the rest of his body is covered in bandages and gauze. The grey eye of his right side is staring at nothing, as if it was able to look through the wall of Todoroki's bedroom. Izuku had seen his friend injured from a villain attack more than once. He'd seen him bloody and beaten his broken leg in a cast. He'd seen him lying on the floor after a defeat, a dejected expression on his face. He'd seen him in pain.

But this is different. This is very different, Izuku feels it – _knows_ it. He can see it. This wasn't a normal fight. He wants to protest and press for more information, but he doesn't want to pressure Todoroki more than necessary. He still needs rest.

"Todoroki," he says. "You know you can talk to me, right?"

"Yes, Midoriya, I know."

Izuku isn't sure he believes him. "We should probably change your bandages."

Instinctively, Todoroki reaches up to touch the left side of his face. His lip curls and he takes a sharp breath. He stays like this for a moment, before he moves to slide off the edge of the bed. "Alright."

"I'll help you."

Todoroki accepts it without protest this time. They walk to the bathroom in silence, Izuku following Todoroki closely, prepared to catch him should he stumble and fall. He doesn't.

When he sees the mirror, Izuku realizes that Todoroki probably hasn't seen his own wound yet. He gently steers him to the toilet seat, telling him to sit down. Rummaging through the cabinets, he finds what he needs and seats himself onto the edge of the bathtub next to Todoroki. Todoroki is fumbling with his bandages, and Izuku lightly swats his hand away. "You'll hurt yourself. Just let me do this." _Let me do this, at least. Let me help._

The wound looks just as bad as the day before. Pus is sticking to the bandage, making it hard to pull it away. Izuku briefly wonders if it would be better to let the wound dry, but he's not a doctor. _I'm not a doctor. I wish he would let me take him to a doctor._ He decides to wrap it up again, because blood is still leaking from the flesh where the skin has been burnt off (torn off)?

"What happened to your eye?" It's a valid question, a practical question, a necessary question – because Izuku has to know how to treat it. They've asked each other question like that numerous times. A question like that shouldn't make Todoroki flinch the way it does. When no answer follows, Izuku pressed him on. "Todoroki, I _have_ to know this. You won't let me take you to a hospital. I need to know what to do with – with this wound. You _have_ to tell me. You have to. Please."

Todoroki closes his eyes. "It's a chemical burn, most likely." He pauses to take a breath. "They had a bottle of acid, I think. I'm not sure."

"They?" Izuku's heart sinks. "There was more than one villain? Why didn't you call for backup? You know I had my day off and you _know_ I would've come!"

"Exactly, you had your day off. I didn't want to call you; you are stressed out with your job as it is. And it was too much of a mess to even think of calling anyone. There just wasn't any time." Izuku's voice remains stuck in his throat. "It doesn't matter now, it's happened and now I have to deal with it."

"I would gladly sacrifice my day off if it meant helping you out, Todoroki. I had hoped you knew that." Izuku lets the topic drop for now, but intents to bring it up again later. Right now, he has other things to worry about. He grips the bottle of alcohol in his hands tighter. "I don't know how to treat chemical burns. It's – I've never dealt with that before." _Maybe I've already made a mistake yesterday! What if I made it worse than it already was? Am I even supposed to put rubbing alcohol on it? What do I do? What do I do? What do I do?!_

"Midoriya." Izuku looks up, realizing he's been rambling again. He can't stop the blushing of his cheeks. "It doesn't matter all that much. Just do what you think is best."

The blush vanishes at once, a cold clump forming in his stomach. "It does matter! Todoroki, it does matter a lot! What the wound doesn't heal properly? What you get an infection? _What if you go blind?_ "

Todoroki lifts his head, looks at him – and smiles. Izuku goes silent. The bottle of rubbing alcohol slips from his hands and bursts into tiny pieces on the floor, its contents spilling out.

"N-No…" he whispers. "Please tell me that's not true. Please, please, _please_." Todoroki just shakes his head. Izuku feels his eyes burn and his throat close up. His hand forms into a fist, and for a moment, all he wants is to curl up and cry. To take Todoroki into his arms and hold him close. He feels as though someone's pulled the rug from under his feet.

"There's nothing much you can make worse, Midoriya. Do what you think is right," Todoroki repeats.

"Maybe if we find Recovery Girl she can-"

" _No_."

Izuku bites his lips and focuses all his attention on willing the tears to stay inside his tear ducts. The last thing Todoroki needs is a crying friend. What he needs is something he can hold onto, someone he can trust. Izuku wants to be that person.

He looks to his feet and sees the broken bottle of medicine. Bandages will have to do for now. He'll get some more rubbing alcohol later.

* * *

The fury comes when he's in the living room with Uraraka and Iida. Todoroki is back in his room, catching up on some sleep. He hasn't slept well, and really, Izuku should've known.

Uraraka and Iida watch as Izuku paces through the room, his hands balled into fists. Abruptly, he stops and turns his head to look at his friends. "He's blind on his left eye." The words tumble out of his mouth before he can think of a way to reduce their impact. Instead, he just watches as Uraraka's and Iida's eyes widen in horror. "He's partially blind and there's nothing I can do. They ganged up on him. There was more than one villain, and he was alone. I wasn't there to help him! What kind of hero am I?"

"Deku, calm do-"

"No!" In the back of his mind, he regrets yelling at his friend, but he can't help himself. He hears the blood in his ears rushing through his veins, and all he sees is red. "No, I won't calm down! It's not fair! He doesn't deserve this!"

"Of course he doesn't!" Uraraka interrupts his rant. "Of course he doesn't deserve it." Her voice is calmer now, and Izuku has to strain his ears to understand what she's saying. She bows her head. "But all we can do now is being there for him. I'm angry too, you know?" Uraraka looks up at, and Izuku sees a gleam in her eyes he's never seen before. "We're all angry." At that, her eyes travel to Iida. "But that won't help Todoroki."

"I know," Izuku says.

"We need to stay calm."

"I know."

"It's hard." Her voice trembles.

"I _know_." Izuku can't hold back the tears, then. And his friends take him in their arms when the dam finally breaks.


	3. Chapter 3

**Anonymous Person: Thanks a lot for leaving a comment! It can definitely be attributed to stress, but there are other reasons that should be clearer as the story goes on.**

* * *

Todoroki gets up without Izuku's prompting the next morning, and he's glad to see him sitting at the kitchen table when he walks in to get some milk, muscles still heavy with sleep. The lights are on, lightning up the otherwise still dark flat. The rain is pelting against the window, drowning out the tapping of Todoroki's finger against the wooden surface of the table. Izuku glances at the clock on the wall. 5.20 am.

Knocking against the doorframe, Izuku clears his throat to announce his presence. Todoroki looks up, his eyebrow raised in surprise.

"Good morning," Izuku says, and pulls out a chair opposite his friend, the milk forgotten.

"Morning."

"You're up early."

"I couldn't sleep, and lying in bed awake made me restless." Todoroki looks around the kitchen and then at his nervous hands. He shrugs his shoulders listlessly. "This isn't much better, though."

Izuku pulls a grimace. He really wishes Todoroki could get some much needed rest. The bags under his eyes have gotten more prominent, sticking out against his pale skin. His lips are dry and brittle, and the inertia in his movements makes Izuku grit his teeth. "Maybe you should try some sleeping pills. Sleep is important, especially now. Your body needs to recover. _You_ need to recover."

Todoroki opens his mouth and closes it again before a sound comes out. He swallows and nods jerkily. "Yeah, I might do that."

A smile creeps onto Izuku's face. "That's good. You'll feel better afterwards."

"Yeah." Something in his voice tells Izuku he's not convinced, but agreed anyway to either placate his friend or lie to himself.

Izuku's eyes travel to Todoroki's lips again. "You should drink something." He stands to get his friend a glass of water, but Todoroki shakes his head the moment Izuku's chair scrapes against the tiled floor.

"Thank you, but no."

"Todoroki." Izuku's voice is stern, and he doesn't intend to give in. Not when his friend's health and life is on the line. "You need water. You haven't drunken anything since last night or probably even since last morning."

Todoroki almost looks pained. "I really, _really_ don't want to drink anything right now, Midoriya."

Izuku doesn't have any of it. He walks to the cupboard, takes out a glass and fills it to the brim with cold water from the fridge. The sound of the glass hitting the table fills the kitchen, and Todoroki flinches. Izuku really doesn't want Todoroki to flinch anymore. It makes him sick to his stomach.

"Midoriya, please. I don't think I can stomach this right now."

Izuku's heart breaks.

In that moment, he wishes he were Bakugou. Because Bakugou would take that glass of water, hold it against Todoroki's lips and order him to fucking drink the fucking water or risk having it shoved down his throat forcefully. But Izuku isn't Bakugou, and he can't bring himself to talk to Todoroki that way. Instead, he stares at him and silently asks him to at least take a sip. He _begs_ him to at least _try_.

Todoroki sighs and lifts the glass. He inspects the water inside, staring at it for a solid five seconds. Izuku can't shake the feeling there's more going on beneath the surface than mere nausea. But before he can ask what's wrong, Todoroki is drinking the water, and he's not going to look a gift horse in the mouth, so he swallows his words and stays silent.

Izuku only averts his gaze after the empty glass is back on the table. Sighing, he leans back in his chair and closes his eyes. "Thank you." He smiles weakly. "Should we go change the bandages?"

Todoroki lets out a long breath. "Sure."

* * *

It takes all of Izuku's willpower not to punch a wall when he exits the bathroom after taking care of Todoroki's wound. Seeing it makes his insides hot and his muscles taut. The eye that stared back at him was blind, and all he could think about was that he hadn't been there to stop it. He hadn't been there to help one of his most precious friends.

Izuku knows the question of whether Todoroki will be able to continue hero work with one useless eye hangs heavily in the air. Being a hero was just as much a wish for Todoroki as it was for Izuku. Knowing how it feels to have that wish denied, Izuku can't help feeling sorry.

He stops in the hallway and lets out a shuddering breath. He'll do his best to help Todoroki through this. He's going to find out what happened – because he _knows_ Todoroki isn't telling him the whole truth – and he's going to help him.

Suddenly, Izuku feels a hand on his shoulder. Turning around he takes in a sharp breath when he comes face to face with Todoroki. His eye wanders over Izuku's face, over his shoulders and down to the fist pressed against the wall beside him.

"It's not your fault."

"I could've helped you," he presses out.

"No, Midoriya. You couldn't have helped me, because you didn't know I-"

Todoroki pauses. His eye closes for a moment before he looks straight at Izuku, unwavering. "Because you didn't know I _needed_ help." His voice cracks at the end. "You didn't know, and it's not your fault that you didn't."

"It's not bad to admit you needed help," Izuku blurts out. Todoroki sends him a quizzical look. "Just now, when you said you needed help, you faltered." He blinks, pauses, and lets Todoroki absorb the meaning of his words before he repeats them: "It's not bad to admit you needed help." Izuku curls his fingers around Todoroki's arm and seeks eye contact. "But I'm here _now_ , and I'm going to help you. This time, I'm going to help you. I swear."

Todoroki smiles at that, and relief washes over Izuku at the sight. "I know," he says. His smile widens as he looks at Izuku's hand around his upper arm. "You could start by releasing my arm, because that bruise still stings."

Izuku releases Todoroki as if he'd been burnt. "I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to! Do I have to- Should I- Does it-"

"It's okay," Todoroki reassures him, and the smile hasn't left his face yet. Izuku figures it's not too bad, then.

He sheepishly scratches the back of his neck. "Still, I'll be more careful next time."

"Boys!" Uraraka's voice resounds through the hallway, bursting their bubble of privateness. "Iida and I decided to watch a movie! Come and sit with us! No excuses! We have blankets and cookies - it's an offer you can't turn down!"

Izuku shrugs his shoulder and brushes his fingers against Todoroki's shoulder. "You up for that?"

His friend mimics the shrug and follows him without another word. Back to silence, then.

Izuku enters the living room, Todoroki close behind him, and gawks at the sight that greets him. Uraraka and Iida are standing next to the couch, each of them holding out a cosy blanket. A plate filled with cookies sits on the coffee table and Izuku realizes Uraraka hadn't been exaggerating.

Uraraka sends him an expectant look, and he recovers himself. Gently playing a hand on Todoroki's back, he steers him over to their friends. His knees hit the edge of the couch and all he can do is sit down and stare dumbly at Uraraka as she drapes the blanket over him. Iida is quick to place a hot chocolate in his hands, preventing him from removing the blanket in protest. Izuku takes a seat beside him and supresses a laugh when Uraraka crams yet another pillow between Todoroki's head and the backrest of the couch.

He looks like a caterpillar in its cocoon, ready for metamorphosis.

Iida takes the seat on Todoroki's other side. Meanwhile, Uraraka starts the movie and plops down next to Izuku. He sends her a thankful smile, and she winks at him.

The movie is light-hearted and not too complicated. Izuku thinks it's a good choice, considering the circumstances. He looks at Todoroki periodically, checking for any signs of discomfort. The bags under his eyes are still there, and the bandages over his face are a grim reminder of what happened – of what still lies ahead of them. But his face seems a little more relaxed, and it's not much, but to Izuku it means the world.

Todoroki eventually dozes off sandwiched in between his friends, his head falling on Iida's shoulder. Iida stiffens for a short moment, but then his expression morphs into pride and relief.

Izuku is just glad Todoroki is getting some sleep.

Maybe a movie, blankets, a hot chocolate and the closeness of friends is better than sleeping pills, after all.


	4. Chapter 4

Izuku finds Todoroki in the bathroom the next morning, throwing up, bent over the toilet bowl. For a moment, he just stands there, staring at Todoroki's hunched figure. His shoulders are shaking and his hands grip the rim of the toilet bowl so desperately, the white of his knuckles shines through his paper-thin skin. A thin shean of sweat covers his face, little droplets running down his neck and disappearing beneath the collar of his shirt. The color of Todoroki's skin is barely distinguishable from the white walls of the bathroom; it looks like wet paper streched too tightly across a hard surface.

A shiver runs down Izuku's spine.

Sobs wrack his friend's body and tears stream down his face over reddened cheeks. It's the choking sound he makes that finally prompts Izuku to himself out of his trance, he approaches his friend with cautious steps, letting his hand rest on an unsteady shoulder.

He stays there until Todoroki stops dry-heaving. And then he stays longer, until the tears stop and his breathing slows, eyes falling shut.

"It's okay," he mumbles, "it's going to be okay. You'll be okay."

But he's not so sure anymore.

* * *

"He's getting worse."

Ochako lifts her head from the book she's reading, looking at Midoriya with one eyebrow raised. "What do you mean?"

"Todoroki," Midoriya clarifies, as if that wasn't a given. "He's been throwing up since this morning. He keeps running to the bathroom, even though there's no way he even has something in his stomach to throw up." Rubbing his forehead in circular motions, Midoriya sighs. His hair stands out in all directions and there are dark bags under his eyes. The constant tremble to his fingers reminds Ochako of how little sleep all of them have gotten over the past few days.

She wishes everything would go back to normal. Her own body feels heavy whenever she gets up, the lack of rest getting to her.

Ochako looks back down at the book on her lap, but the letters suddenly don't make sense anymore. She blinks, trying to clear her blurred vision. "Have you checked for a fever? Maybe he's just sick?"

Midoriya nods. "He is running a fever… Of course he is. But I just feel like there's more to this. There's something I'm not seeing." Midoriya takes a ragged breath. "And I- I need to see it! I have to see what's going on but I can't and he's still not talking to me about anything!"

"Deku…"

Midoriya falls silent and collapses into himself like a pupped that had its strings cut.

Ochako stands and sits down beside her friend, laying her head on his shoulder. It's as much comfort for her as she hopes it is for him.

"I'm sure he'll be-" Ochako's voice cuts off. Ther's no way Todoroki will be "fine" anytime soon.

She bites her lips. "He'll get better. Don't overthink so much. The fever is probably just his body dealing with all the stress. It's normal. It'll pass."

"Yeah…" He doesn't sound convinced, and Ochako isn't sure how much belief she gives her own words. But there's nothing they can do but wait and hope.

* * *

It's a struggle to get Todoroki to eat dinner at all.

"I'm not hungry."

"I'll just throw it up anyway."

"Leave it."

"I'd rather lay down."

"I can't."

"I can't."

"I'll do it for you," he says eventually, and takes three bites.

Ochako puts the leftovers into the fridge, hoping he'll get hungry later that night.

The food stays in the fridge for three days until Iida has to throw it away.

* * *

"What are you doing?" Tenya hurries to Todoroki's side, tearing his nails away from his forearm where they'd been scratching the skin relentlessly. "Todoroki…" A cold breath leaves his lungs at the sight of the red, irritated skin.

"It's itchy."

"But you're bleeding! You can't just keep doing this! " Todoroki flinches at the volume of his voice and Tenya sends him an apologetic, tight-lipped smile. "You have to be careful…" Tenya takes a second look at the arm held carefully in his hands. There are red spots all over it. "It looks like a rash. How long has this been there? Does it hurt?"

"Two days."

Sagging his shoulders, Tenya shakes his head. He wants to scream at Todoroki, to tell him he needs to inform them of such things, but he can't bring himself to do it. Looking at his friend's sunken cheeks and thin wrists, he can't bring himself to do it.

So he simply treats the irritated area with healing cream and wraps it in clean bandages.

"And don't worry," Todoroki says, looking at the white fabric wrung tightly around his arms. He's staring at it as if he wants to look through it. "It doesn't hurt."

And that just makes Tenya worry more.

* * *

It's almost midnight when Shouto wakes up from a nightmare in a feverish haze.

The mattress beneath him is soaked, but Shouto can't bring himself to care about that when his lungs struggle to gather enough air. He sits up in a panic, grabbing at his throat and chest, clawing at the flesh on his neck. Ragged breaths and whines are the only sounds filling the dark room. Suddendly, the muscles in his arms and legs tense. He feels pain shoot through his limbs, all the way to the core of his body. It feels as if his stomach is being tied into a knot, pulling into itself. His whole body is shaking like leaves in a storm. The fingers cramp around his neck. His vision blurs, dark spots appearing in front of his eyes. He bites down hard on his lower lip, drawing blood. The bitter taste barely registers with him as he falls off the bed, having lost all semblance of balance and body control.

His fit doesn't stop until what feels like hours to him. Exhaustion hits him like a train when his body finally relaxes against the carpented floor. Saliva runs down his chin and collects in a small puddle beneath his cheek. His skin is clammy and cold. Here and there, small tremors run up and down his frame, only stopping when they reach the tip of his toes.

The pain makes his thoughts stop alltogether. He can't form one coherent thought. The only thing he can focus on is steadiyng his breathing.

He's so glad nobody saw.

Nobody saw.

Nobody saw.

He's singing it like a mantra in his head, over and over, trying to calm himself.

It works somewhat.

Todoroki gathers his legs underneath himself and slowly lifts his body into a sitting position. Using his nightstand for support, he stands on unsteady feet.

It's getting worse. He knows it.

Midoriya knows it.

Before he starts hyperventilating again, he closes his eyes and takes a deep breath.

And one more.

One more.

In and out.

In and out.

His mouth feels dry and his tongue sticks to his teeth.

Shouto creeps to his door, pushing it open while he keeps his eyes and ears alert. Everything is dark, which means nobody is awake. That makes him relax a bit.

Slowly, he makes his way to the kitchen.

The cold tiles wake him up some more. He shivers. Not daring to turn on the lights, he uses the shine of the moon to find his way around. His trembling hands reach for a glass, and he has to put all his willpower into not dropping it.

Don't drop it.

Don't drop it.

Filling it with water, he gulps down everything in one go. His stomach protests, but he's past caring about his stomach.

Suddendly, something shiny to his right catches his eye.

He puts down the glass on the counter and lifts up the knive. It's the one Iida used this evening to cut the chicken. It glints, its sharp edges reflecting the moonlight like a still lake at midnight.

He turns it around.

It's heavy.

Heavy and cold.

Todoroki doesn't put down the knive for fifteen more minutes.

He forces himsel back to his room and under the sweat-soaked covers, the feeling of the knive in his hand still present.

The feeling doesn't leave until he falls asleep, entering another nightmare.


End file.
